Quotes from Intellectual Property

"Tanana, who obviously can't see see the endzone marker under the virgin snow, breaks into his touchdown dance on the 10 yard line, only to be given a geography lesson by linebacker Marvin Watkins. That's an incredibly embarassing moment for any professional athlete, so when we come back we're going to show it to you a couple of more times, if only so that I can keep saying 'virgin snow.'" -Casey

"Jeremy, can you get Dan something interesting about Milwaukee?" -Natalie
"I can tell you that it's not the capital of Wisconsin." -Jeremy
"And while that may be true, I need it to be about the team, and, oh yeah, I need it to be interesting." -Dana

"Dana, there is a fly in the studio the size of a bald eagle, and every time he buzzes my head on a fly-by it's like a sound-check at a Black Sabbath concert." -Casey
"Dan, is there a fly in the studio?" -Dana
"Let him work through it." -Dan

"Okay, Dan, here's the thing. You're gonna be fifteen seconds short on the Bucks/Pacers game. I have two options for you. Option one is that the attendance at the game, eleven-thousand three-hundred and twenty-three, turns out to be exactly the same as the popultion of..." -Dana
"Hoisington, Kansas." -Jeremy
"Hoisington, Kansas." -Dana
"And option two?" -Dan
"Talk slower." -Dana

"Hey, tell her I have a broken ankle." -Casey
"He says he has a broken ankle." -Dan
"Now tell her it hurts." -Casey
"He says it hurts." -Dan
"Now make this part sound dignified and heroic." -Casey
"He kicked a fire-hydrant on his way back from lunch." -Dan

"You have good ideas a lot. I find myself saying, 'Natalie's got a good idea.'" -Dana
"But you also find yourself saying 'Natalie, if you screw that up again I'll set you on fire.'" -Natalie
"That's true too, and yet it's the good idea thing that I'm focusing on right now." -Dana

"What was the last good idea you had?" -Dana
"When I got up this morning I decided not to stick my hand in the blender." -Natalie
"That's what I mean." -Dana

"I think the way you're handling the Casey situation is very good." -Natalie
"The Casey situation?" -Dana
"I'm calling it the Casey situation." -Natalie
"It's not a situation." -Dana
"It's a bit of a situation." -Natalie
"It's not at all a situation." -Dana
"I've already named it." -Natalie
"You know, from like the second Casey and Lisa split up, everyone in this office is convinced that I have a strategy to make Casey fall in love with me." -Dana
"You're wrong. We knew you didn't have a strategy and we're glad you've finally come up with something." -Natalie

"Who's your predecessor?" -Dan
"Marty Sheinbaum." -Malory
"Who's Marty Sheinbaum?" -Dan
"My predecessor." -Malory

"There is a fly in the studio, and this is not a normal sized fly, it's a jumbo fly. It has made a habit, now, of flying into my monitors at a great velocity. You would think that at this velocity it would blow apart on impact, but apparently this fly has some sort of protective coating that allows it to come right back at me." -Casey
"Protective coating." -Isaac
"Yes." -Casey
"Does the fly have any other special powers?" -Dana
"No. Well, Jeremy thinks it may have some sort of stealth capability." -Casey

"Someone holds the copyright to 'Happy Birthday?'" -Isaac
The representatives of Patty and Mildred Hill." -Dan
"It took two people to write that song?" -Isaac

"Hey, Dana, I was seeing that you got a birthday coming up, and I was wondering how you feel about 'Oh 'Dem Golden Slippers?'" -Dan
"Just go with it." -Isaac
"Yeah, that's fine." -Dana

"Every time your life starts to spin out of control you come after me, and you make me feel like you feel a certain way when you really don't. You did in college, you did it in Dallas, you did it in L.A. and you're doing it now. I don't think you're cute, I don't think you're funny, I don't think you're smart, and sometimes I don't think you're very nice." -Dana

"You don't think I'm funny?!" -Dana
"I'm leaving now." -Dana
"I apologize for nothing. Well, that's not true, I apologize for some things, but not a lot of things, a few things, several things. I apologize for about half the things." -Casey

"I want badly to see you naked." -Casey
"Yeah, you better want to see me naked!" -Dana

"Son of a gun." -Dana

Back to episode info