Quotes from Ordnance Tactics

"There was a bomb scare." -Casey
"Yes." -Dana
"There was." -Dan
"It's over now." -Dana
"Well it worked." -Casey
"What do you...?" -Dana
"We're scared!" -Casey

"Dana, somebody tried to blow up this building, and you people are just walkin' around like... somebody didn't just try to blow up this building! " -Dan

"Dogs?" -Casey
"Dogs. Yes. Specially trained dogs." -Dana
"We want to meet them." -Dan
"Guys." -Dana
"We want to meet the dogs right now." -Dan
"Okay. And what will you say to the dogs when you meet them?" -Dana
(pause) "She's got a decent point." -Dan
"Yeah." -Casey

"Hey you're afraid of fish, okay? I'm afraid of dying in a hail of shrapnel, who's crazier?" -Casey

"Is there anyone who can say anything that will make us feel like the smart thing to do is to stay in this building right now?" -Casey
"In ten minutes, three and a half million people will tune in to watch the two of you on television. Many of them will be women." -Dana

"Was there any sign of this?" -J.J.
"Of what?" -Dana
"Of Isaac having a stroke? Was there any sign of this?" -J.J.
"Was there any sign of Isaac having a stroke?" -Dana
"Yes." -J.J.
"You mean other than Isaac having a stroke?" -Dana

"I want to do my job. I want to help you, which is my job. And I want to do it all without being treated like the guy who ran over your dog, how's that?" -J.J.

"Well McKinney had 41 points against the Clippers, the Diamond Backs won their fourth in a row..." -Dan
"...and there was that thing where somebody tried to blow us up." -Casey
"Yeah. " -Dan
"Don't take it personally." -J.J.
"No I think I will take it personally." -Dan

"Would that the world were as enlightened as you, Dan." -J.J.
"Oh were that it would." -Dan
"Were." -Casey
"What?" -Dan
"Never mind." -Casey

"So we're two likable guys." -Dan
"I think so." -Casey
"I think we're very likable." -Dan
"I'm liked wherever I go." -Casey
"I'm liked wherever I go and wherever you go." -Dan
"We're perfectly likable." -Casey
"Yes." -Dan
(pause) "Yet someone tried to blow us up." -Casey
"That's what I'm sayin'." -Dan

"Good news. Pluto isn't being demoted as a planet." -Natalie

"What I'm gonna say might well sound abrupt and terrible, but when I say it, I want you to remember that the key word, the key word is temporarily. Temporarily is the key word. So there's not gonna be any reason to be upset or unhappy. Okay? I think we should temporarily — temporarily — stop seeing each other." -Jeremy

"Jeremy's trying to break up with me, but it won't take." -Natalie

"Why were you avoiding me during the bomb scare?" -Rebecca
"I wasn't avoiding you." -Dan
"You were. We were out on the street for over an hour. It was a perfectly good bomb scare." -Rebecca

"Everytime I tried to find you, someone would say that you had just left the place that someone else had just said you had been right before." -Rebecca
"That was a truly spectacular sentence." -Dan

"It was a bomb scare, Rebecca, I was serpentining. I was employing the covert ordnance tactics that I learned." -Dan
"Where did you learn covert ordnance tactics?" -Rebecca
(pause) "'Nam." -Dan
"You're avoiding me." -Rebecca
"Yes." -Dan

"Why are you avoiding me?" -Rebecca
"Why?" -Dan
"Yeah." -Rebecca
"Take a wild, flailing, shot in the dark. Take a ridiculous, nothin' on the line, Hail Mary toss from the backcourt heave at why I might be avoiding you." -Dan
"'Cause you thought Steve and I were divorced when in reality we're only separated and Steve wants us to go back into counseling and I'm on the fence about it and you hate Steve?" -Rebecca
"That's amazing." -Rebecca
"That's amazing that you got it on the first guess like that. I'm gonna take you on tour. We're gonna make some money, me and you." -Dan

"So your strategy for this is to be wonderful?" -Rebecca

"Yes." -Dan
"Listen..." -Rebecca
"You know why?" -Dan
"Why?" -Rebecca
"It works every time." -Dan

"Good news." -Natalie
"What?" -Dana
"Pluto's still a planet." -Natalie
"It was touch and go there for a while?" -Sally
"Don't underestimate Pluto. Pluto doesn't know the word quit." -Natalie

"Could I say something please?" -Jeremy
"Sure." -Dana
"Natalie and I have broken up. (pause for Natalie to shake her head) We have." -Jeremy
"In his head." -Natalie
"I put it in writing." -Jeremy
"That's sweet." -Natalie
"Just so you know. If I wanted to right now, I could ask out other women." -Jeremy
"No." -Natalie
"I could." -Jeremy
"No." -Natalie
"Dana, would you like to go out with me?" -Jeremy
"I can't." -Dana
"Why not?" -Jeremy
"You're seeing Natalie." -Dana

"Nothing is the same anymore." -Jeremy
"Many things are the same." -Natalie
"Natalie..." -Jeremy
"I believe that your decision making skills aren't the best right now. I'm taking you into receivership. We're not broken up." -Natalie

"Well if you've got some calm people and you want to make them upset, I say we're the guys to do it." -Dan
"Yeah." -Casey
(pause) "Should we eat first?" -Dan
"Yeah." -Casey

"The building had to be evacuated last night 'cause a group of God-fearing people said they didn't like Denny Denton's impression of the Son of God. Why? Because Denny Denton does him with a lisp." -Casey
"My girlfriend, whom I've grown quite fond of, is thinking about going back to her husband, but that's just 'cause he treats her bad." -Dan
"The only thing in Jeremy's life that makes him happy right now is Natalie, so he's decided this'd be a good time get rid of Natalie." -Casey
"The network's decided this is a good time to show Dana who's boss and unless you do something and lickity split, his name is gonna be J.J." -Dan
"And, oh yeah, Isaac's lying in a bed at Columbia Pres with a stroke." -Casey

"We're women." -Natalie
"What?" -Casey
"We're women." -Dana
"You're women." -Dan
"Yes." -Dana
"I have to say, Danny, that in both their cases, there's considerable evidence to support that theory." -Casey
"Dana..." -Dan
"We're in charge. We're women in charge. And we're keeping it together. That's what we do." -Dana
"That's what you do." -Casey
"That's right." -Dana
"Well we're men, and we're petrified. That's what we do." -Casey
"And if you're scared, if you're upset, if you're angry, if you think Isaac's never coming back, if you think the network wants Sally for your job, if you think you're losing a handle on Jeremy, if you think you've lost the handle on Gordon, me and Casey and Jeremy are the people to talk to. You never know, we might be able to say or do something that'll make you feel better." -Dan
"That's the other thing we do." -Casey

"I need you. And I need Isaac back. And I need people to stop trying to blow up the building." -Dana
"You got me." -Natalie
"That's a start." -Dana

I'd just like to confirm for everyone that I am Jeremy's girlfriend." -Natalie
"Natalie." -Jeremy
"I am his girlfriend and he's seen me naked many times." -Natalie
"Natalie!" -Jeremy
"Sometimes I do a little dance." -Natalie
(Will turns around and looks at Natalie)
"Eyes front, Mister!" -Jeremy

"I just wanted to say that if something terrible ever had to happen to one of us, I'd want it to be you." -Casey
"Thanks." -Dan

"Good evening, from New York City I'm Dan Rydell alongside Casey McCall. Those stories plus, an Avalanche in Colorado, Lightening in Tampa Bay and Warriors in the Golden State." -Dan
"We've got the Suns moving in Phoenix and Hurricanes in Miami but guess what? Pluto's still a planet. All that comin' up after this. You're watching Sports Night on CSC, so stick around." -Casey

Back to episode info