Quotes from The Apology

"Hey, look, everybody! It's two sports anchors. And that's a good break for us 'cause we're about to do a sports show." -Dana
"Sarcasm, thy name is Dana." -Casey

"There is a perception in the press, never more clear than in this article, that I'm not cool. Now, where do you think this perception comes from?" -Casey
"I think it comes from reality." -Dana

"Danny... We did the interview for this piece three months ago. I don't want to pile on or anything, but when you know something like this is going to happen, you might want to tell me about it in advance." -Casey
"Casey, they completely missed the point. I didn't know they were going to completely miss the point three months in advance." -Dan
"Well, what was the point?" -Casey
"The point is that any law that makes criminals out of 15 million Americans is probably not such a good idea. The point was that drug abuse isn't a criminal issue, it's a healthcare issue. And the money and manpower we spend prosecuting a surfer in San Diego might better be used fighting things that genuinely threaten our national health and safety. That was the point." -Dan
(pause) "Well, they completely missed the point." -Casey

"I told you, I'm making them wait." -Dan
"No, you're making them mad." -Casey
"No, I'm making them anxious." -Dan
"I think you're just making them mad. I think Isaac, specifically, is mad." -Casey
"No, Isaac's on my team, Isaac understands me. Isaac has a highly developed sense of right and wrong and he is hip to my battle plan." -Dan
"Danny, he's standing right behind you." -Casey

"The validity of your read on what most of the country thinks notwithstanding, Stanley.... Actions are immoral. Opinions are not. And I won't apologize for mine. Discussion is good, and for those of us fortunate enough to be the subject of magazine articles, it may be our responsibility from time to time to try and raise the level of debate." -Dan

"Danny...." -Isaac
"Yeah?" -Dan
"You know I love you, don't you?" -Isaac
"Yeah." -Dan
"And because I love you, I can say this: no rich, young white guy has ever gotten anywhere with me comparing himself to Rosa Parks. (pause) Got it?" -Isaac
"Yes, sir." -Dan
"Good." -Isaac

"Yeah. Usually we get thirty to forty seconds for each game. A little bit more if it's a game chock-full of spectacular plays and/or play-off consequences, and a little less if it goes the other way, but thirty to forty seconds is usually the rule of thumb." -Casey
"I see. And how long did mine run?" -Jeremy
"Eight and a half minutes." -Casey
"Ah." -Jeremy
"Yeah." -Casey
"That's long." -Jeremy
"Yeah, it ran a little bit over, yeah." -Casey

"You got a whisk?" -Dana
"A whisk?" -Casey
"Yes." -Dana
"That's the thing you, uh..." -Casey
"For scrambled eggs. You stir it really fast in a bowl." -Dana
"I can't just use the fork?" -Casey
"Truthfully, yes." -Dana

"Jeremy, you did a good job on that Cubs/Marlins game." -Isaac
"I only wish you could have seen the tape before the life was sucked out of it by forces entirely beyond my control." -Jeremy

"I have a younger brother named Sam. Sam's a genius. I mean, literally. As a kid, he tested off the charts. The first computer I ever had, he built from a kit he bought with money he earned tutoring other kids in math. He's energetic and articulate, curious and funny. A great source of pride to our parents. And there's no doubt that he'd be living a great life right now, except for that he's dead. Because when you're fourteen years old, all you ever really want to be is your sixteen year old brother. And in my case, that meant smoking a lot of dope. The day I went off to college was the day Sam got his driver's license. And he celebrated by going for a drive with some of his friends. Drunk and high as a paper kite. He never saw the red light that he ran. And he probably never saw the eighteen-wheel truck that put him into the side of a brick bank, either. (long pause) That was eleven years ago tonight. And I just wanted to say... I'm sorry, Sam. You deserved better in my hands. And I apologize. (pause) That's all. Casey and I will be right back after this with the American League wrap-up. You're watching Sports Night on CSC, so don't go away." -Dan

"1978, they win the Grammy for Best New Artist. You know who they beat? Elvis Costello. Now is it your belief that Elvis Costello isn't cool?" -Casey
"No, it's my belief that the Grammy voters aren't cool." -Dan

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